How Do I Get over My Existential Crisis?

First is to stop the bleeding. Any work that puts food on the table is “honest” work. In the meantime, keep coding, think of something your local or regional society needs and build it.

One lesson I had to learn the hard way, no one is coming to save you. Build your own future. Make your own path. Finding something that people would pay for is easy. Finding something that a lot of people will pay for is hard. Just find a way to earn a living and then find a way to make a living with what you love doing. You don’t need to work for a FANNG to be successful.

Some random ideas to add to the idea pile:

- find outsource dev shops near you and see if you can find work via them - find outsource dev shops NOT near you (different time zones) and offer to work with them to increase their off hours coverage - list yourself on work platforms like fiver and taskrabbit for lots of useful problem solving that isn't programming but where programming makes you more competent: organizing digital documents, fixing/creating excel models, integrating various business software, setting up CRMs, fixing vibe coded messes, making personal websites, setting up email on custom domains, sending order confirmation emails/texts, lead generation, sending notifications/emails when particular topics appear in news/regulation/official databases, keeping an online menu up to date for a company - offer cheap localization / "check and fix your ai generated localization" service -

There’s some good advice from others but I mainly just wanted to wish you luck! Keep positive (easy to say, I know).

Do you have a personal website or blog? Do you have thoughts, ideas, problems you’ve solved, or mini hobby projects to talk about? It may not directly lead to an instant job but I think showing the world more about you and what you enjoy doing (and are good at) beyond the normal CV format might be a good start? It’s at least a productive thing to spend your time on while you’re trying to work out your next move.

I have found great stuff in doing volunteer work. It can be a great way to showcase your work, and build a network.

But that requires also being able to eat, and sleep under a roof, so taking "hold your nose" jobs may be required.

Also, learning and mastering difficult stuff, can be useful. "Full-Stack" is a very crowded field, with a lot of talented, hungry people.

I sincerely wish you the best.

Living in Iraq, and unable to move somewhere that has the jobs you're looking for? That's a tough one. If you can't get a remote-only gig to work out, I'd be trying to start my own thing that I could do entirely over the Internet. The biggest problem, of course, is the coding is one job, and running a business is entirely different. Maybe you don't want that.

Framing matters a lot. If you can afford to, take 6 or 12 months to widen your points of view. That might mean taking up a job in a sector you're not familiar with, or maybe changing locations (a new country perhaps?). I think by framing your situation as "my goal is now to X", when accomplishing that goal is at least partially dependent on things you don't control, is setting yourself up for failure. Instead, treat this time as a good opportunity to learn more about yourself and what possibilities are open to you that you normally wouldn't consider.

What qualifies as "good income" where you live? How feasible is it to make your own business? It doesn't have to be a contract/service based role, you can simply sell a product. Depending on your income needs it may be enough to keep you afloat while you figure out a long term strategy.

Are you in Iraq? If so, understand the legalities involved - most companies simply won't hire someone or do business with someone in Iraq because "can't be bothered to figure the sanction situation out".

So - solve it for them. Figure out all the answers, set up all the stuff that will make it easier for a prospective employer and have it all at the ready.

Have you tried Upwork?

Have you thought about starting a company? It’s never been easier to start a company for engineers. Granted you need to have a problem to solve but those can be found.

At the end of the day, you need to put food on the table and a shelter over your head. That doesn't mean you cannot pursue your profession and dreams. It's just harder.

One way I was told how to find product (your service) and market (labor market) fit is to focus on the problem. Sell yourself as a problem solver rather than a software developer. The software is just a tool, and software engineering is a framework to apply those tools in practice. Although the current state of your locale lacks software dev opportunities, it might also be that most people aren't aware of their needs for digitization yet. Software is also in a lot of things. Don't limit yourself to web development.

Determine what level of risk and lifestyle you are comfortable with and act accordingly. There’s no shame in working a blue collar job if you want to prioritize putting food on the table, for example. You are not defined by your title unless you want to be.

The saying I have tried to live by is “only a young person thinks the last downturn was the last”. Also as Game of Thrones puts it, “my sweet summer child”.

What is it you like about programming? If you get to the root of what you enjoy about it, there are likely many seemingly unrelated careers that can scratch that same itch. It would also free up programming to become a fun hobby again, or something you just did to elevate your work, rather than the core job.

Is moving to an area with more jobs a possibility on the table?

Also keep in mind that pay is relative to where you live. While some hit the jackpot making Silicon Valley wages in developing counties with very low costs of living, that’s not the norm and shouldn’t be the expectation. Those wages are high, in part, because the cost of living is high. I work for a large company and pay scales are region dependent to account for cost of living. I think the idea being that two people doing the same job have a relatively similar lifestyle. Are you turning down otherwise good opportunities because you’re looking to make California wages outside of California and the US?

Find a problem in the world you want to solve and solve it using your skills.

Make solving big problems your life’s purpose, not trying to find a “job”.

I'm sorry to tell you this but the illusion you have that because you're college educated or can program that you are entitled to a larger than average income is misguided. You can get a job at Walmart, Target, or a grocery store. It is disgusting that educated people no longer have institutions to live and work in but this is the culmination of 50 years of neoliberal assault on occidental values. The social mobility boat set sail a long time ago. It isn't just coders-- it's teachers, philosophers, poets and novelists, musicians (...) it's all parts of society that think and feel for a living. You can't have that in a socially held back, illiterate society even if just for the envy it creates in regular people. (see, "Populism" for more)

Liberal autocracy is taking the color out of life. You might watch a few episodes of, "I Love Lucy" to get a fix on what living in black and white is like. Pleasantville comes to mind. Our lives will be the plot of that film backward.

Literally start going to church and become catholic. Get some five dollar books from tanbooks.com and read as they catch your interest.

You need a foundation for your life other than work, work can be exciting but there are needs it can never fill that require a relationship with God.

I think catholicism is great for technical people because it is very intellectually rich in a satisfying way, its not only feeling oriented.

A view of life where God created you for a reason, and loves you infinitely, life is meaningful and there are concrete straightforward actions you can take to deepend your relationship with Him is very fulfilling. 10 out of 10 would recommend!

Since you asked for honest feedback here are my thougths:

Given your propensity for programming you are probably a high functioning individual, able to apply logical reasoning and systems thinking to a wide range of problems.

I have no idea of your living conditions so honest feedback beyond that is quite hard. Different places are different man.

I know talented programmers coming from around the world - so your career choice was not wrong. The career has been an opportunity for talent across the globe. It's possible that your life situation, however, is what stops you to actually follow the career path of your choosing now.

I know people who've struggled to find direction after their initial education did not pan out. They eventually pull through - sometimes they find a job that is aligned with their education, and sometimes they need to pivot and find something new. I have no idea what action you should take in your local economy.

I'm super impressed you take care of you elderly mother. I don't know what relationship you have, but being a caretaker is a dignified position what ever the circumstances. But it can also be a sacrifice towards personal freedoms, goals, and life outcomes.

Now, what I'm going to say may sound like BS but it really is the only solid actionable support I can give: take care of yourself. Try to exercise. Try to sleep. Try to eat. Try to find things in life you enjoy, and notice and pay attention to them. Life can be lived - and sometimes needs to be lived - one breath and one heartbeat at a time.

In parallel with searching for a salaried position, consider writing something on your own.

Look at existing software with unhappy users and make an alternative, even if a simpler one. Create something that hits a specific need of local businesses. If nothing else comes out of it, you will still have a real-world project and related experience (with designing, planning, shipping, talking to customers) to add to your resume.

It looks like you're in Iraq.

The first thing that comes to mind is, if I wanted to hire you remotely, how would I pay you?

I don't know whether it's a common question you have from prospective employers, but if I'm running a business (FWIW, I'm not), I'd be worried that regularly sending money to Iraq might trigger some alarms (anti-money laundering, sanctions, etc.), and this probably trumps any other consideration unless somehow you're able to show that you're so good at doing the work that it's worth the (perceived) risk.

So I'm speculating that maybe you'd have better chances if you focus on crypto-friendly companies and figure out a way to receive money using crypto, and mention this upfront or at least at the same time you reveal where you are currently.

I'm from Iraq. I completely understand your situation and there's a ton of jobs out there if you know how to search.

It's not like you'll find a job next door. Even in USA you usually don't and need to search well.

Look up my contact info from this site: omardo dot com. It's my blog from the high school.

This is the central struggle we are all facing throughout our lives, in different degrees: what do you hold on to, when do you let go, what do you replace it with? The local issue you have is with a career goal that has not panned out, do you hold on to the dream or do you ‘face reality’ as people in your life and here would urge you to do.

What adversity does is challenge our attachment profile. This helps the timid hoarder, who wants to keep everything, by forcing them to choose. They learn a stronger, purer, sense of self in the process. A lesson we can’t seem to learn as fast, voluntarily. Victor Frankl describes it in great detail as a holocaust survivor in Man’s Search For Meaning.

So embrace your hardship. Consider that you are exactly where you need to be in this moment, to move ahead. And make all attachments second to this - Never Give Up. But for the rest, maybe introduce flexibility, experiment more. You have an opinion on these other opportunities not being worth it, but what have you tried? You see things up close that the ruminating knee hugger simply won’t ever see by thought alone.

I'll defer to Kurt Vonnegut Jr:

“The Money River, where the wealth of the nation flows. We were born on the banks of it-and so were most of the mediocre people we grew up with, went to private schools with, sailed and played tennis with. We can slurp from that mighty river to our hearts' content. And we can even take slurping lessons, so we can slurp more efficiently.”

Have you already tried positioning yourself as deep into your country's "money river" as possible? It's by far the biggest knob, location location location. You can be the most qualified amazeballs whatever of something in a resource desert devoid of opportunity and you'll starve.

What is your skillset, out of curiosity?

You could try software consulting agencies like Toptal. However, international freelance work as a junior dev is probably an uphill battle (especially since experienced local developers are having troubles finding work). If there's nothing local to you, and you cannot move, the only options that I see are software-adjacent jobs in other industries. IT would be an obvious choice. But even outside of IT you might be able to be able to write internal tools and ooch into a de facto software position that way. Try exploring work in another area that interests you, and look for things that are repetitive, annoying, or error-prone. Those are things that are possible candidates for tools, or also possible entrepreneurial opportunities.

I also found Erwin McManus' approach to finding what you like do helpful. Take a sheet of paper and make to columns: "I love this!", "I really dislike this". Over the course of a couple weeks, when you're feeling one of those, write what you are doing in the appropriate column. You'll get start seeing some patterns after a while. His theory is that what we excites us is pretty specific, so look for things like "writing tools for others" rather than "programming". (However, while I think he's right, I also think we are much broader than that, so you might look for things that are not even related to programming. You might find something completely unexpected that does have local opportunities.)

If you're in front end, build yourself an impressive portfolio! You need to differentiate yourself on a different axis than a resume.

1. Ask yourself what kinds of things you really enjoy doing deep down inside. This is going to matter in the long term. You did mention you liked programming, but was that triggered by the glamor and promise?

2. Assuming that it is still to do with computers. A software business does not have to be about building products and selling them. I imagine in Iraq (or where ever you are) there are many small businesses and non-technical people who need their computers maintained and repaired (example, this guy has posted on HN and has a small business that does this : https://www.scottrlarson.com/services/computer/repair/ .. I am not affiliated in any way with him). You might need to hit the street, ignore the fear / embarrassment / rejection, and cold call or cold visit businesses. If only 1% of the people are going to turn into customers, get the other 99% out of the way, faster the better.

3. Teaching positions may not pay well but may pay the bills while you work to build a career or business.

You country was devastated by an illegal war. Rebuilding will take a lot of time and courage. Wish you all the best.

strangely, this hasn't been mentioned yet, but if you look at other "can't find a job" posts on HN you'll see that the job market right now is bad for pretty much everyone. sending hundreds of applications is normal, and for remote jobs even more so.

this is to say, don't give up.

from my personal experience, tech networking is the only thing that worked for me. not just networking through jobs (that didn't do anything for me) but participating in tech communities. online and offline. HN, various discord groups for programmers, skool.com also has lot's of tech groups, maybe even linkedin. (i use linkedin mainly to connect to people i meet elsewhere, so i can't tell how well it works by itself). others i don't know. i'd also look for expats from your country in other countries. maybe you can make some connections there to help you get remote jobs you would not otherwise find.

1st get any job you can get at this time. Then look around for companies where you can have a career. This will likely weed out most small companies. Once you decide on the job you what to get then define a plan that outlines how to get the job you want. Part of that plan might mean getting any job you qualify for even if it's not what you want right now. Once you get your foot in the door then you can work towards getting promoted or transferred to the department where you want to work. Also, join any organization where you might get contacts that will help your career. A vast majority of jobs are found by who you know not what you know.

This might mean that you will have to move to a different city but you do what you need to do to survive.

Malaysian here. Different environment but there's some similarities in that there was no jobs when I started off, and only recently were there unicorns etc, but local funding is still dry.

1) We'll always need tech for bureaucracy. Look for anything that is done on paper that can be digitalized. CRM, POS, LMS, inventory management. These stuff are red ocean and you don't need to convince people that yours is better. Just be better than Excel, simpler than SAP.

2) Anti-corruption is a fertile field in developing nations. That means forms. Payments and payments infra. Malaysia is entering an era where e-invoicing is mandatory for tax cuts. Things like remittance may be difficult too and it could mostly be a paperwork thing.

3) Common advice in HN is jobs good, entrepreneurship bad. But in your situation, the odds of having a business may be 15%, and the odds of getting a job may be 1%. Entrepreneurship is also a lot more difficult if your competitors are people like Walmart or Amazon so the math is entirely different.

you're young.

if you can move to a country that is hiring lots of dev (like japan) move.

Want a product idea? You know the paper bags that you get at the grocery store? Why don't they have coupons/advertising printed on them? Take your groceries home and then cut up the bag for coupons for the next time you shop. I don't think I've ever seen this, and I can't find anything similar in a quick google search. Maybe you could create a business out of that?