For some personal context: 29 year-old below-average dev, live in a large city in the US and no real hobbies to speak of. As a lot of my friends and acquaintances around my age settle down into long-term relationships or get married, I’ve been feeling a bit left out and lonely. The latter is something new to me since I’ve always been a loner and never sought out others’ company. I tried to improve on this aspect of my life before but I didn’t really get anywhere. I’m socially awkward and can come off as having a bad personality. After a few unsuccessful attempts at dating, I pretty much just gave up. But I know I can’t procrastinate on it for too long, because the longer I stay single the harder it gets to learn about what I want and actually find a partner.
I’m interested in hearing from others here who might have dealt with this issue. Did you reach out for help? Put down a personal plan for improvement? Just let things be and whatever happens happens?
To me those sentences above are key to address your issues. You simply need to forget about dating and improve your social life. Embrace curiosity and a sense of wonder, explore hobbies, meet new people, listen others and share your life.
You live in a big city so opportunities are all around you.
Focusing on dating without having a social life is like trying to run without being able to stand on your feet.
If the answer is no, that's okay. Do some soul-searching to see what kind of childhood you had. Try to work through any demons you have before engaging in a relationship. Know yourself. Seek therapy if it would help and try to become a better person who cares about others. And not pretend care, actual desire to help others, make others happy, etc.
There is a whole community around ex losers that call themself pickup artists...