I feel like being smart is huge part of my ego/identity and it makes it hard to work on any creative pursuit.
- immediately thinking about the final result.
- thinking how it wil be received by other people. Is it cool enough?
- expecting quick success and feeling frustrated and discouraged if I'm not good at something.
- quickly moving from "I want to do X for fun" to "I need/must do X because I already committed to it".
- always looking for a way to show the world what I did. To prove that I'm indeed smart.
- building the big narration around my hobbies/work, treating them so seriously and obsessing about them.
I wish I could simply work on my personal projects for fun, without such pressure. Do you have any tips/materials?
Any manifestation of creativity is art, from prose to code. Art is essentially purified expression, and is a catalyst for inspiration, communication and development. It is deeply personal, but it must be shaped into a shareable medium in order to be effective in its purpose. Because of this, the identity (and even a bit of ego) of the creator cannot be entirely removed.
The kind of acceptance and satisfaction being described here is easy to achieve when familiar paths are stuck to. There are algorithms for "success", as most people would describe it, everywhere. But art is different. Personal satisfaction and traditional success don't always align, but it is possible to reconcile them if you dedicate yourself to the work itself.
This is not executable advice so much as it's a perspective. Creativity that works to fuel its own vision will never be approved by everyone, but it will become successful in it's own way, and many will adore it. Anything created specifically for approval, or a piece that molds itself around quick success, will inevitably fall flat.
Dedicate to the vision and you'll come out on top. Don't fight the ego, harness it. Make it work for you. When you do this, you'll have fun, despite the challenges, and the rest will follow.
Finally, if the creative process is grueling in any way, try to figure out why. Challenging is one thing, but if it feels like you're constantly on fire, it's the process that needs to change, not the creator.
The greatest proof of intellect that any creator can give is a finished work that believes in itself. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to possess a purity that isn't tainted by second guessing and hyper criticism, self induced or otherwise. Don't shoot the result before it ever has a chance to be born.