It feels existentially lonely though, and I am wondering how other people in tech feel or have felt about the their decisions around having kids. Do you regret your decision? Did you have kids but wish you didn't? I know the latter is a taboo thought, but my understanding is a lot of parents have it from time to time.
If you guys didn’t grow up in a dysfunctional miserable family you are probably already way more qualified than many people who simply lack the experience (literal thousands of hours spent in a quality family). Start with that assessment, you have most of the facts about yourself to make the call - we don’t.
Again, people that had positive family experience will not ponder if kids will cause chaos, because well, they never felt that way in their own families. You and I ponder it, which means you better dig into what’s behind that question.
Long short of my existential crisis when I pondered the exact same. Late 40's and a newborn is super super hard.
I realize it really comes down to state of your life, your partner and your extended family. You absolutely need support. Not even to question that. If no support then a fulltime nanny to help. I'm a fulltime dad, quit my fulltime when my now 1.5yr was born. Not really by choice but a necessity as we have no local support, especially with the pandemic. I will need go back to work. My wife works fulltime so I get up at 6a and goto bed at 1a daily.
If you're happy with where you are and where you're headed i.e. retire AND you're absolutely in stride with your partner. Then you should, else I wouldn't.
I never knew family. Grew up abused and alone so never had a family feeling.
A child is a love hate relationship that has no recourse. the infamous commercial where a sick dad opens the door to his child and asks for a sick day? Yea, it can't happen. no matter what your mood is or what your current beef is with your significant other and boy..you don't know what a fight is until there is a child. you better learn to get over it quickly.
Lastly, you absolutely will LOSE your previous life. There isn't a part of it you can retain. It's gone....period. You will need to forge a new life.
Fun romcom to watch that can give you an absolute realistic even though fictional movie is:
Life as we know it https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1055292/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1
PS> I'm going to blog about this because its actually bullsh*t that there isn't answers to some basic questions about parenting. Most of what you read, reads like a marketing fluff for a blender.
An article I ran into recently worth reading:
https://www.scarymommy.com/okay-not-to-love-every-second-lif...
PPS> Join a dad's group and seek the same. It's a shame men don't have the balls to ask for advice and help...unlike you.
Do you think it will get more or less lonely as you age?