I found a new role with a small start-up where it seemed like I would be able to build meaningful things and collaborate with people again. I took some time off and tried to come at it with a clear head, but there have already been a few discouraging situations where I feel like my coworkers don't respect me. The work that I have done doesn't seem meaningful, it's kind of "leftovers" that nobody else on the team wants to do. On a few occasions I tried to make proposals but they were heavily criticized.
At this point I feel extremely isolated from the team, and like all I can do is stay out of the way and do what people ask. I'm constantly worried about being told I'm not good enough technically. I've basically given up on trying to have an opinion because it doesn't seem to matter.
Does anyone have advice? I feel like if I could take on one big project and be successful it might make everything click. But I've also read that working harder feeds into burnout and the best solution would be to disengage and take 3-6 months off.
Step 2: Consider that there's a high probability that you were hired to clean up the mess. Maybe your teammates would like nothing more than for you to jump on the grenades so they can tackle the high-profile projects and get the promotions. In this context it probably starts to make more sense what's happening here. Giving negative feedback is a cheap and easy way for your teammates to signal to management what the ranking order is (especially if management is non-technical or too busy to look at the details).
Step 3: Decide if it's worth staying. This could mean playing the long game. It could mean having a strategy to rep up with management behind the scenes. It could mean doing the hard work of shoveling in the trenches and playing code janitor to earn the respect. It could just mean collecting the paychecks and associating less of your identity with this job while you pursue hobbies, family, whatever else.
Spend some time with your teammates on a social level and find some common ground. If you all like each other first it's easier to work together and harder to criticize.
It's called "paying your dues" and exists in all industries. You need to earn respect of your new colleagues by doing some of that shitty work and doing it well. If all goes well, in a couple of months you'll be a part of the in-group and will get the interesting tasks.
I'm going to overload on metaphors, I hope you don't mind. :-) Sounds like perhaps you are encountering a cultural impedance mismatch. While you might be thinking that the way forward on some project is to get some shared knowledge and understanding of a problem you see needing a solution, this can sometimes be taken as idle speculation, when in fact it's an earnest attempt at vigorous debate.
If you find yourself in this situation, stop, relax, and take a deep breath. As others have noted, "trying / working harder" will not work. You need to try a different approach to get a different outcome.
Remember, in smaller outfits, "implementation is 9/10ths of the law". If you have some running code which solves or automates a problem, and is presented well, then only the most foolhardy of people will stand in your way. See if you can work up a prototype / proof of concept on the quiet, then demonstrate it. If it's truly worthwhile, or even if it isn't the reception you get should be all the message you need as to what to do next.
If all else fails, quit. No matter where you are, the opportunity set afforded by the world at large is bigger than your current situation. That's reason enough to be cheerful. Good luck. :-)
If you have a good leader that you trust in your company, have this conversation with him/her. Approach this in a way of how you can be of more value, rather than criticizing the team.
In order to improve you have to ride yourself pretty hard (otherwise you start running into the opposite problem of not improving or stagnating) but understand when you're starting to "hustle" which is a waste of energy.
Having a good means to re-charge is also essential. Always work to resist conceit / convincing yourself you're being productive when you're not. This is the quickest route to mental illness / burnout by far IMO.
I've been in it. My work was heavily criticised, my technology choices invalidated, other's choices foisted on me. I was moved into silo-like work. A particular colleague liked to criticise colleagues in their absence, and I was part of those he spoke about - backbiting. This created a sense of exclusion.
This all started when we got a new engineering manager who I didn't click with. I wanted to stay until my tenure was long enough, and to leave with a respected reputation. Here's how I handled it:
1. If there's a tenth of an ounce to learn from the heavy criticism, learn it, improve on it and thank the colleague.
2. Being pushed into technology I had little experience in, I was worried it affected my reputation of competence; I worked hard to learn the new technology, learn from my company's existing code and industry best practices, and pushed to implement it as best as I could. That I worked in a silo meant no one's work depended on mine, and I had time to polish and test to push my work better.
3. When my colleagues report their work in my presence, if there's any part of it that demonstrated competence that I understood or had something to learn from, I pointed out specific aspects that made it good.
More than a year on, this has paid off. I am in a new job using the new technology my colleagues gave me a opportunity to learn. Learning from criticisms really helped me with improving how I deploy design patterns. My relentless struggle to maintain positivity in the face of hostility repaired relationships with some, and built on them with others. This gave me strong references and recommendations. The new job I got paid 20% more, at a time when there was a sudden flood of layoffs due to the coronavirus.
If you want to stick it out in the hopes that a breakthrough is coming, perhaps you want to set goals or milestones. A time-based milestone could look like "I will give this three more months." A criteria-based one might be "I will continue if I receive some affirmation of my abilities this week." Of course, some combination of time and criteria is in order.
Advice falls short in such scenarios. I really hope you find meaning and growth at work, one way or another.
My advice would be to talk to the team or HR about your negative experiences.
If that doesn't help update your resume/portfolio and start finding a new job. (while you're still employed) Please don't stay too long in such a toxic environment - it's not worth it. I don't know you but I don't think you will have a hard time getting a new job.
You can get rid of the imposter syndrome with the help of a cognitive behavioral therapy.
I wish you all the best.
It sounds like you didn't love your last job, you tried a new type of company (in terms of size of employee count), and you don't love this job or long term project you are working on. There are pleasant companies with fun projects out there to work for, but they are much less common than the companies that suck to work for. Maybe you should write out a list of attributes that you assume an ideal employer/project has, and then start interviewing for those companies/jobs. If you hate your next job as well, rinse and repeat.
Remember your manager is your boss not your friend, so opening up to them that you are unhappy could lead to you being let go or whatever. If you aren't financially stable for 6 months, I wouldn't even tell them this stuff, I would just start prepping for job interviews during off-work hours and try get a new job. If you are comfortable not earning a paycheck for 3-6 months, I would tell my manager this stuff, see what they say, I would not go to HR before manager unless my manager like physically/sexually assaulted me or something. If manager wasnt helpful, I would then go to HR.
At my last job I felt like i was pegged as the dummy on the team, no big deal lol. I think i deserved to be pegged the dummy, maybe you do maybe you don't, regardless of that, you shouldn't worry about it or burn yourself out trying to impress your coworkers because of it (this could all be in your head as well).
Just know, if they are going to fire someone, it might be you and not one of the other all-stars on the team. Try accept that this is out of your control and not stress about it.
What did I do in my last job that i was unhappy with? I spent a few months prepping to interview in off-work hours, eventually I asked for a raise, got denied my raise, interviewed around for a month, and got a new job.
FYI I've worked at a Fortune 500 company (big IT consultant 100,000s of employees), two midsized company (1000ish employees), and two smallish companies > 300 && < 1000. Most places sucked day to day TBH.