Now she feels obligated to give up her ambitions and move somewhere where she can afford to have him live with her because otherwise, he'll end up living on the streets.
Her mom passed away from an overdose when she was only 25, and her brother was only 18. Her brother didn't graduate high school.
Despite this, she graduated from college, went on to obtain her master's degree. She is passionate about educating kids coming from poverty and has the technical abilities to scale her impact.
Now I'm afraid she'll give up her bright future and opportunity to help many more people because of her compassion for her father.
She feels alone. At 30, many of our peers still require the support of their parents, not the other way around.
What resources are available for her? Who can she talk to about this?
That should open up money, assistance and housing. There may be a wait list but he should be able to get into assisted living or some sort of supervised independent living. Some states and counties are better than others.
Her best bet is to find a social worker who can help. Start with the county and the state. Does she have power of attorney and is she his legal guardian? These are some things to think about. If not, the state can become the legal guardian etc... and then she doesn't have to worry so much about him. All of the "senior" housing have subsidized rooms. They may take all of his social security but he will get a room and food.
As for which States are better than others, I don't know.
As for the felonies, I would consult a lawyer, legal aid or the district attorney to see if they can be mitigated for the purposes of public assistance. There may be some programs that, if you prove, no longer a danger, rehabilitated etc.. will help you, especially considering his disability.
Check out:
It sucks but dementia tends to equate to living in a nursing home. Not always of course, but often because the level of care is high and the prognosis for many forms of dementia is the grimness of progressive severity. Hence, the present tends to be as good as it is going to be. And absent other morbidity the future is likely to be long.
It’s a hard decision that sucks.
Even a person who is committed to avoiding nursing home placement is best served by looking into power of attorney and getting on waiting lists right now. The likely alternative is discovering how long waiting lists for better dementia facilities are and what is required legally to act on another adult’s behalf later. The typical later being in the midst of legal/social/medical crisis.
For most people there are only better and worse. There’s no good even in the best likely case. Again, it sucks.
Finally, without power of attorney or permission of the patient healthcare providers can’t discuss medical records with anyone, even next of kin.
Good luck
(Edit: none of these change whether your friend is in Michigan or Florida. The difference between locations is providing direct physical assistance and proximity. These are not nothing. They don’t make a difference in terms of legal hurdles or public, and private resources.)
At this moment of working from home, consider a temporary housing situation in a less expensive part of the Central Valley, connect him up with services, get him settled in. Then, when things open up again, your friend could consider opportunities on the coast and still be close enough to help her father if needed.
There are many non-profits involved with housing, some specializing in disabilities (dementia should qualify), and able to provide info and referrals. They can guide you through and into government programs. It’s definitely a time of crisis, and they will be overwhelmed right now, but be patient and they can and will be able to help.
Compassion feels right. You have to be able to look at yourself in a mirror. But you shouldn’t have to give up your dreams either. The middle path is hard, it can drag you down, but it can also give you strength and ideas.
TLDR: Take interim steps, seek assistance, look for a path.